What I Learned When I Stopped Praying for My Husband

Fourteen years ago God clearly impressed on my heart to stop praying for my husband. And as contrary to scripture as that probably sounds, I did.

For about a year I did not utter a single prayer for him. And while I'm certainly not advocating that you cease praying for your husband (or anyone), I do believe that God sometimes leads us to do things that don't necessarily make sense initially. However, when we are led by the Holy Spirit and trust the Lord instead of leaning on our own understanding (see Proverbs 3:5), God moves.

Not praying for my husband for one year turned out to be the beginning of a breakthrough...for me. During that time, I learned:

My heart was truly selfish and self-centered. At the time, every prayer I prayed for my husband revolved around wanting something for myself. God not only wanted to expose my selfishness, He wanted my prayers for my husband to come from a pure heart--one that desired what God desired. He wanted me to pray according to His will, not mine.

My motives were often wrong. I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted my husband to be, and by golly, I was going to pray until that happened. Now part of that was good, because my husband did not yet know the Lord. And although God desired for my husband to give his heart to Him, my motives in praying for his salvation were more about how it affected my life instead of my husband's spiritual destiny.

I was immature. Because of this, when I prayed and did not see or sense change, resentment built. I didn't have an accurate understanding of God's timing, or appreciate that He often works behind the scenes. I also needed to grow in grace, allowing time for my prayers and the Holy Spirit to soften my husband's heart, instead of demanding that he get with the program now.

My reactions were sometimes completely wrong. Too often, I allowed my husband's bad reactions to trigger mine. And while God did not want my husband's words or actions to hurt me, the Lord gently showed me that my reactions were just as wrong. It was incredibly difficult to apologize for reacting wrong when I felt that my husband's actions were far worse, but that's not how God saw it. I was the believer, and I was called to be like Jesus.

The year I spent not praying for my husband allowed me to completely shift my focus away from his inadequacies and instead focus on the Lord and the work He was doing in my own heart. It also relieved the pressure I had placed on myself to personally usher my husband into God's kingdom. Yes, God uses our prayers, but He goes where we cannot go--into the heart--and ultimately He does what we cannot do--brings godly change and transformation.

While not praying for someone (especially your spouse) for a year is probably unusual, that year turned out to be exactly what I needed, and I'm convinced my husband was spared untold distress. I learned serious respect for the Lord's ways and developed a deep desire to pray in agreement with Him--even when that meant not praying for a season. When it was all over, my prayers started up again, only now they emerged from an entirely different perspective. God's.

And as long as I draw breath, my prayers will thus continue.

Click the photo below to download several scripture-based prayers to help you pray for your husband.

May God strengthen, comfort and encourage you as you pray.

He Loves Me When I Don't Feel Beautiful

I couldn't have been more surprised. I mean, am I not the one who courageously chose to stop coloring her hair, and in so doing, bravely embraced the aging process?

Then why did I suddenly feel like I'd just handed over a one-hundred dollar bill and only received back change for a ten?

It started with a quick trip to Target. As my daughter and I approached the glass entry doors, I grimaced at my reflection. I was wearing my frumpy at-home clothes and looked...old. Ugh. As we shopped for a few quick necessities, I hurried into the fitting room to try on a pair of high-tech shorts and a t-shirt that promised to keep me cool on my daily walks. Let's just say the rear view wasn't what it used to be.

Later that day I a good friend alerted me that the dress I'd chosen for my official author photos wasn't flattering--it made me look old. And that evening when I looked into the mirror to check my make-up, I gasped. My crows feet were now stretching down onto my cheeks...more like imposing ostrich feet.

So I sat on the edge of my bed and cried, surprised by the emotions welling up inside me. I've never put much stock in my looks. I try to eat healthy, exercise, take good care of myself. Turning 30 never phased me. 40 was a piece of cake. But apparently the raw, undeniable reality of growing older finally hit me--like a boulder slamming full force onto an unsuspecting Mini Cooper on a mountainous country road.

And I felt crushed.

As I approach the big 5-0 (in July), I'm facing the fact that my body cannot do things it used to do with ease, my neck is beginning to frighten me, and there is nothing I can do to stop the natural aging process. There are moments it feels as if any beauty I once possessed is evaporating away like the whistling steam above a tea kettle's spout.

It's slightly scary, this new reality, but the good part (yes, there is a good part) is that God is not only helping me begin to gracefully accept the inevitable, but He is coaxing me to believe Him when He whispers you're beautiful.

It's not easy. But I'm willing to drink in the words every woman desperately longs to hear, regardless of her age. And on the days when I struggle, it's okay. Because the truth is, He loves me, even when I don't feel beautiful.

He exclaimed, O my love, how beautiful you are! There is no flaw in you!

Song of Solomon 4:7

Lord, help me to see myself the way You see me. You see my potential. In Your sight, I am precious and honored. I am guilt-free. I am the apple of Your eye! I am Your work in progress, and You love me deeply. Always. Infuse my heart with these amazing truths. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

"You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."

Isaiah 43:4b

 

Through my books I love to help readers know God, know Scripture, and know how to pray. Click on the images below to learn more about each book.

             

Because We Can't Be Good at Everything

We can't all be good at everything, and that's a painful truth I never feel more acutely than when I'm clothes shopping for myself. Put me in a department store (or worse, a discount store where outfit pieces aren't displayed together) and watch me have a meltdown. It would be hilarious if it weren't so pathetic.

Yes, I'm a shopping failure.

I think somehow I'm missing the critical shopping gene passed out in abundance to most other females. Usually I'm okay with that. Until I get together with other women who obviously love to shop (if their stellar wardrobes are any indication). Then I feel dorky. Frumpy. The exact opposite of a fashionista. (What would that be? Oh wait, I know...clueless.)

Shopping bores me. It takes entirely too much time, effort and an awareness of what's actually in style for this under-equipped, fashion-challenged woman.

Sadly, in spite of "What Not to Wear" classes and body-type training by well-meaning friends, shopping and trying on clothe makes me feel sweaty, disoriented and slightly irritated. I've even been known to stick my tongue out at myself in the privacy of my dressing room. Or cry. Oh, the trauma!

But hey, if you ever want a fantastic plate of home made spaghetti, I'm your man. Need prayer? Call me. Want directions? People say I'm the best. I also love to organize, bake and travel, though not necessarily together.

In the meantime, I'm hoping the shopping fairy shows up at my front door with scads of beautiful clothes that fit perfectly, make me look thinner than I actually am, and are deeply discounted. Until then, when you see me out and about, try not to smirk.

Because the truth is, we can't all be good at everything.

How about you? Do you love or loathe shopping? Now 'fess up: In what area are you a huge failure?