An Uphill Climb to Normal

The screams roared down the hall and swept under the door of the tiny bedroom I shared with my four year old sister. My belly quivered. Not again.

I slid off the top bunk, opened the door and crept down the hall, my bare feet silent against the hardwood floors. Twisting the hem of my pink nightgown in my fist, I peered around the corner into my parent’s bedroom. Red velvet curtains shouted a warning from their vantage point high above the fracas.

I watched my parents’ shadows pantomime on the bedroom floor as they argued inside their bathroom. My ten year old body shuddered as something crashed against the wall. Suddenly my mom and dad stormed out of the bathroom. Just two steps inside their battle zone, I froze.

Chaos erupted. Behind me, all four of my younger siblings now stood in the doorway, wakened by the frightening noises we all dreaded. Their terrified sobs bombarded the room like a tragic symphony.

My parents never noticed.

Husband and wife shoved each other, angry words fiercely spewing like a faulty car radiator that was about to blow. Then, we all watched our parents begin a fist fight.

Someone needs to do something. I jumped between my parents, holding out my hands until one palm touched each of them. "Please stop fighting! You're scaring everybody! Please!"

That's when she did it.

My mom ran toward her nightstand and grabbed our heavy, black telephone. My jaw dropped as I watched her yank the cord right out of the wall. She’s breaking our telephone? Lifting the phone behind her head as though heaving a football, she threw it toward my dad with all her might. The phone plunged into the top of his head with an eerie thud. Blood dripped down my dad's face in a crazy, zigzag design. His hand flew up to the wound and he raced back to the bathroom, large circles of blood dotting the hardwood floor behind him.

The symphony grew to a frenzied hysteria.

Freaked out and terrified, all five of us kids followed our enraged mom as she ran into our living room--heading directly toward my dad's prized possession--his beautiful wood and glass gun case. With her defiant kick the glass enclosure was utterly shattered.

So were our hearts.

Sometimes it’s an uphill climb to normal. For me, normal always seemed far away, like a mystical dream that I knew existed, but would probably never find. Oh, I inhaled the scent of normal on occasion. Like when I visited of my grandparents’ house in Detroit for the weekend, where sheets graced every bed, Johnny Carson performed in their calm living room nightly, and my Gram cooked clockwork meals. Or the time I lived with my aunt and uncle in Arkansas for a year and learned a house could be pert near spotless, ketchup on crock pot pinto beans tastes extraordinary, and the true meaning of family.

My journey to normal started when I met Jesus, almost 20 years ago. It felt like I slowly started to wake up the day I entwined my fingers with His, and the mystical dream slowly shimmered into real life as we walked together. It hasn’t always been easy. But the cool thing about Jesus is He takes every step with you.

He knows our past, He knows our hurts, but I think what I like best about Jesus is He knows our hearts. And somehow, while we walk together, He gathers the shattered fragments and fuses them back together. It might sound improbable, but the girl who lived the scene above and the woman I’ve now become now barely recognize each other. And that’s close enough to normal for me.

All You Need is Love

It's funny how God gets my attention sometimes.

There are occasional days that I seriously struggle with my attitude. I catch myself being snippy with my kids, or I get really worked up about traffic or something equally aggravating, but not necessarily important in the grand scheme of life.

I realize that something is out of whack, yet the struggle continues, because it's an inner issue, deep in my heart. Nobody on the outside would ever realize the epic battle within. (Well, except for the child to whom I'm snippy.) But for me it can be intense, not to mention frustrating.

Then, suddenly, I'll notice myself humming a particular song. The Holy Spirit simply places a song in my head, and out it comes. So I've learned to pay attention to what I'm singing. When I actually listen to what is coming out of my mouth, it never fails to astonish me...it's precisely what I need to hear.

Like the song above. It's an old Beatles song, from the year 19-who knows when. And God uses it to tell me that I'm running low on love. HIS love.

Once this realization hits, I laugh. I continue singing. And I thank God for speaking to my heart through a song. Then I ask Him to fill me and flood me with love.

His love.

And He does exactly that. Which makes me grateful--and a lot less snippy.

God is love. And really, love is all you need.

"He who does not love has not become acquainted with God - does not and never did know Him; for God is love." 1 John 4:8

A Tough Road

A boulder-filled road slammed with massive craters, huge tree trunks, and abandoned cars stretches before me. I bring my car to a stop because there’s no way it can go any further. From here on, I’ll be walking. I step out, my feet landing on thick brown dirt with ridges as hard as granite.

My trendy shoes are no match for this jagged terrain. I struggle forward, carefully navigating each tricky step. Within minutes I’m perspiring from the exertion, yet I’ve only moved a few yards. A few other people are here on this wreck of a road with me, looking as dazed and overwhelmed as I’m beginning to feel.

I wonder how anyone can consistently move forward here, but I have no choice. It’s impossibly hard, yet nothing in me wants to turn around and go back to my comfortable car. This isn’t the road I started out on, but somehow I understand this road will take me where I need to be.

Do you ever feel like the road you’re on is so impossibly hard that you’ll never be able to move forward? The scene above is from a dream God gave me. It could also be a scene from my life right now. God is allowing my family to undergo many intense medical issues. Yet in spite of how much I dislike it, I firmly believe that God is in it.

I hear Him whispering to me, “Will you follow me if I lead you the hard way? Will you trust Me even when I take you the way you don’t want to go? Will you allow me to strengthen you in the midst of the journey?”

And the kicker: “Will you worship me in the midst of your suffering?”

I think that when we choose to worship God in the middle of our hard road, it’s as close to worshipping Him in Spirit and in Truth as we can get. God is honored when we worship him in spite of difficult circumstances.

"God is a Spirit (a spiritual Being) and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth (reality). John 4:24 (Amplified Bible)

How about you? Will you trust God even when He takes you the way you don't want to go? Are you willing to worship God in the midst of your difficult road?

Are You a Dream Chaser?

Certain seasons in our lives are as easy and uncomplicated as a hammock ride. Other times require the stamina of a world-class rock climber.

Like when we're chasing a dream.

A dream is easy to envision. Fun, even. But often as we pursue our dream reality sets in, the thrill fades, and we find ourselves struggling, fighting, and overwhelmed. Ecclesiastes 5:3 says “For a dream comes with much business and painful effort.” No dream becomes a reality without a price.

As we strive toward our dreams, the enemy's strategy is to impede us so we won’t fight for what is rightfully ours. Giants of Intimidation, Insecurity, and Fear taunt us, just like Goliath taunted to Israel.

1 Samuel 17 shows the Israelites frozen with fear when confronted with Goliath, the Philistine giant from Gath. Standing nearly 10 feet tall, Goliath wore custom armor that made him appear even more intimidating. No one dared stand up to him, until a young shepherd boy heard his mocking words and decided enough was enough. David clearly heard the taunts of the enemy, but refused to believe his words. David’s relationship with the Lord was so real, so strong, that the enemy’s boast meant nothing to him. A mere adolescent, he triumphed over the giant.

Are you a dream chaser? When we run after our dreams, we will have to battle a few giants. But if we are serious, we will persevere. Our success in slaying the giants in our lives is determined by:

1. Our willingness to confront the enemy. In verse 48, we see that David ran quickly to meet Goliath. No hesitation. No fear. Boldly. And with utter confidence.
   
   
2. Our past successes with God. In verses 34-37 David explains to Saul that he has already slain a lion and a bear. When we are intimidated by the enemy, we can remember past triumphs, reminding ourselves of our God-given abilities and God's faithfulness.


3. Knowing the Lord intimately. David spent his days worshiping and conversing with God while he tended his father’s flock.When we remain close to and intimate with the Lord, the enemy's taunts will never sway us.


4. A confidence and understanding that the battle is the Lord’s. This doesn’t excuse us from action and doing our part, but rather, reveals a deep knowing within us that God is our ultimate source and strength.
   
   

Dream chasers are characterized by a willingness to pursue their God-given goals in spite of the giants opposing them. They run forward, expecting to triumph.

Tell me about the dream you are chasing, and what giant you might be facing.

How to Follow Through When You Say You'll Pray

Have you ever promised to pray for someone--and then completely forgotten about it? I have. I'm not only frustrated by my failure to pray, I'm embarrassed--especially when I run into my friend later.

The truth is, we need each other's prayers. Yet most of us juggle multiple responsibilities. From the moment we wake up until we drop into bed at day's end, we're busy. So, how do we make good on the promise to pray for someone? Here are some strategies I've developed to help me back up my words with action.

• Write it down. If you don't have a prayer list, make one. Then place it where you'll see it regularly--like inside your Bible, next to your bed, or, if necessary, tape it to your bathroom mirror.
  
  
• Ask God to remind you. He will. Expect to be reminded while you're busy doing something else. Determine to pray on the spot for your friend, just as soon as you receive the prompting. If you must, excuse yourself to the restroom for a few minutes.
  
  
• Schedule it in your planner/Blackberry/Daytimer. As in: Monday, 9:30 - pray for Angela.
  
• Stay in touch with your friend. E-mail her or drop her a pretty note card reminding her that you're praying. Ask how things are going so you can pray specifically. This not only encourages your friend, it keeps you accountable while you pray her through.
  
  
• Remember, it's okay to pray for someone for a limited time. You can tell your friend, "I'll pray for you this week." I regularly modify my prayer list, crossing off one person and adding another as God leads and situations change. This way I don't have an unrealistic, never-ending prayer list.
  
  
• If you don't feel like you can manage to pray regularly for her right now, don't make the offer. You can always pray with her just once on the phone, over lunch, or whenever else you get together. Better one sincere prayer together than a promise you probably won't keep.
  
  

The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective (see James 5:16), but only if we actually pray them. With these simple strategies and God's help, we can follow through on our prayer commitments.

And we'll have the blessing of knowing we're partnering with God in other's lives.

This Old House

If you've ever lived through a remodeling project, you probably have a serious appreciation of the hard work involved in taking an old, dilapidated house and transforming it into better-than-new.

The way I see it, anyone can move into a brand new house. But remodeling takes a willing investor with a keen eye for potential...someone prepared to put a lot of hard work into a house nobody else wants. Done right, the results are a gorgeous old house with character, yet filled with all the new stuff you wouldn't want to live without. The before and after photos are amazing, and no one who visits your house can believe that it ever looked like that before.

It's truly a labor of love.

My husband and I were crazy enough to take on such an endeavor back when we were young and willing to invest some serious elbow grease. We had purchased a tiny 2 bedroom, 1 bath, stinky, old, sorry-excuse-for-a-house--because it only cost us $55,000.

It needed a new roof, new windows, a garage, new carpet, lots of paint, and oh--we had to move the hot water heater out of the kitchen. Did I mention I was pregnant when we began?

We ended up knocking down walls and adding some extra rooms, almost a total do-over. For seven months, we stressed, sweated, painted, worked far too hard and slept far too little. We watched in amazement as our old shack finally began to turn into the house of our dreams. Yes, it took longer than we thought, and cost more than we planned. But in the end, it was worth it.

It occurred to me a few weeks ago as I stood before the congregation at my church giving my testimony for the first time, that God does this very thing. He sees our inherent value, even though we are broken, stinky people in serious need of restoration. He deems us worthy of His time and investment, even when others aren't willing to make the effort.

Though it's a long, arduous process, Jesus, with His keen eye, restores us to better to better than new. We wind up beautiful, yet functional and filled with His character. When we share our amazing before and after stories, no one can believe that we ever lived like that before, because our hearts are all sparkly and fresh and new.

It's truly a labor of love.

I'm so glad for all the improvements God has made in me, and that He continues to lovingly restore this work in progress.

I Know I Should Pray More, But...

Let’s face it: life is sometimes a vortex of chaos. Attempting to schedule regular prayer time into an already overloaded day can be a recipe for frustration. Instead of feeling guilty about not praying enough, (can we ever pray enough?) or trying in vain to remember who or what I’m supposed to pray for, I've learned how to make prayer a priority by incorporating it into my crazy, never-quite-normal, everyday life in creative ways.

I think of prayer as an ongoing dialogue between God and me, not a one-time event relegated to a particular time of day. Though I maintain a morning prayer time, my prayers don't cease for the day when I say Amen and head out the door.

A lifestyle of prayer isn’t as difficult as it might sound. The following sure-fire strategies are guaranteed to help you experience more prayer power.

Fill mindless activities with prayer. For instance, I always pray while I vacuum and when I’m in the shower. It’s simply become habit for me. There are always opportunities for prayer sprinkled within our day. Other possible times to fit prayer into the day include:

· Any time you’re in the car
· While folding the laundry
· In line at the grocery store, the bank, etc.
· In the doctor’s waiting room
· Waiting for your dog to do their business (ahem)
· Waiting for your kids in the car pool line
· While scrubbing the bathroom
· While mopping or dusting
· When you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep


Consider using your daily walks, bike-riding, jogging or other exercise time as a prayer boost. It's a powerfully effective stress-busting combination.

Ask God to show you who to pray for. You might be surprised who He puts on your mind. I have two friends with late-stage breast cancer. The least I can do is pray for them, and God never fails to remind me.

Pray immediately when you become aware of a need. Don't tell yourself you'll pray later, because if you’re like me, chances are you won't remember. Tell yourself to stop, drop and pray right away when you hear of an urgent matter.

Don't just moan about all the horrible stuff on Headline News. Take a minute to pray about it. Yes, it's perfectly acceptable to pray in your recliner. However, when the ironing pile stacks up, I haul out the ironing board, turn on either local or national news, and pray while I iron.

Be willing to pray for someone on the spot. When a friend or neighbor tells you the awful situation they're in, don't just tell them you'll be praying for them and walk away. Ask if you can pray for them right there, and watch God move.

If you're forgetful, use a notepad to jot down the things you want covered in prayer. When things heat up at my house, I always start a prayer list. Keep the list in your Bible, on your nightstand, or taped to your bathroom mirror. Also, keep a small notepad in your car.

Remember, when we pray, we’re not only talking to God, we’re inviting Him to speak to us as well. We can expect God to respond and help us fit more prayer into our sometimes crazy lives.

Happy praying!