A few weeks ago my agent told me he asked an author he met at a writer's conference if she would consider endorsing my book. Then he asked if I had any additional chapters (beyond the standard three chapters included in a non-fiction book proposal) so she could get a good idea of whether or not she wanted to do the endorsement.
I had the rough draft of quite a few more chapters, and asked him for two weeks to edit and polish. I figured I'd be that much further with my writing, and the author would have a clearer representation of my book. So, I got to work.
And then all hell broke loose. (Scroll down to read last week's post to get an idea of just a few of the things we dealt with.)
It was warfare, but I kept pounding away on the keyboard. Finally, with a sore fanny and aching back, I e-mailed the chapters off to not only my agent, but three other author friends who had just agreed to consider endorsing my book.
And then something completely ugly happened.
In the depths of my heart, I cringed. I suddenly felt like the lamest pseudo-writer on the planet. A foolish nobody who had exposed her soul on paper and then sent it off into cyber space to what could only be certain ridicule.
For almost two days I felt tortured and stupid. I wanted to hide under my covers. I wanted to un-send the pages I'd e-mailed to the authors. I wanted to disappear.
Can you relate? Have you ever tried your best to do the very thing you believe God has called you to do, only to struggle against crazy opposition that led to serious discouragement?
The truth is, Satan is not about to roll out the red carpet and allow us to waltz into our God-given destinies. He will attempt to oppose, hinder, discourage and immobilize us.
The enemy will always attack most fiercely:
- Before a major breakthrough
- When we are pursuing our God-given destinies.
But God is greater.
Finally, it dawned on me that I was (1) under attack, and (2) not doing my part. James 4:7 says "So be subject to God. Resist the devil (stand firm against him) and he will flee from you."
I also started to understand that the enemy attacks at our weak points--and one of my weak points (right now, though Jesus is clearly dealing with me on this!) can be fluctuating confidence in my calling.
Through the insight of the Holy Spirit, worship, prayer, and the sweet encouragement of my husband, I'm back on track...stronger and wiser. And I've taken this verse to heart:
I know that You can do all things,and that
no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted.
For some of us, fulfilling our God-given destinies will probably be the hardest thing we ever do. But I am determined to persevere. It will be worth it.
How about you? Have you ever felt foolish, inadequate, intimidated or discouraged? Then you're probably on the right track. Determine with me to get back on the right track, by God's grace. Let's link arms and declare together that we are women who believe God!
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who believe and are saved."