I've done it for sixteen years. Researched curriculum, created lesson plans, checked math and science papers. I home schooled our (now 21 year old) son from 1st grade through graduation, and his little sister (now 15) through 10th grade.
And now it's over. My soon-to-be-a-junior daughter will be starting public high school in the fall--a huge deal for both of us.
And so I find myself reminiscing about the joys and challenges I've experienced homeschooling my kids, and feeling amazed at how fleeting those moments are. The memories are bittersweet, and I can hardly bear the pain constricting my heart as I face the fact that those days are over.
After being a mom for 31 years (yes, our oldest is 31!), my season of hands-on motherhood is nearly over. And though I'm so much more than a mom, and my life is busy and full and good, the prospect still hurts.
At odd moments waves of what I can only describe as grief suddenly splash me, and I take the time to cry, let it out, and ask God to help me to let go of the old and embrace the new. I whisper for grace to trust Him and His plans for my daughter and our family. Because He surely knows what He is doing. And His grace is surely sufficient.
More transitions loom on the cloudy horizon, distant enough that they're not yet here, yet close enough that I perceive them, and my stomach is tightening for their inevitable impact.
I don't know why change is so hard. I only know that as it comes to me, my only consolation (besides my husband) is the Lord.
So I whisper Jesus.
And I pray, Lord, be with me in this raw, new pain I'm feeling. Help me to adjust and let go and look forward to the new things You have for me. I trust that Your plans for me are good, and that You will be glorified, even in the painful transition. Give me grace to embrace the change You are bringing. In Your holy name, Amen.
The Holy Spirit then gently whispers to my heart, and I understand that although our times and seasons change, God does not. He is faithful. He is trustworthy. His peace is readily available to us, and He is with us in the fire of change.
And for that, we can be grateful. Very grateful.
For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10)