Note: The following post contains discussion of 'female issues' not intended for men or children.
A suspicious mass? Trembling, I stared incredulously into the eyes of the area's best doctor, willing my mind to grasp the words I had no desire to hear.
Beset by chronic, serious female problems, I had capitulated to a 4th (and hopefully final) surgery; a hysterectomy in July of 2003. Yet bizzare symptoms soon materialized. Unexplained pain and bleeding persisited long after my uterus was gone. Month after month I fought rising panic and disbelief. There was no obvious medical reason for the bleeding. But there was pain and stress in abundance, which ultimately led to this current appointment with a highly recommended and well known specialist.
Stunned by his unwelcome news, tears brimmed. I felt uncomfortably warm. Why is God allowing this to happen…again?
Prior to having “The Big H”, I spent five years hoping, praying and believing that God would heal me. I also tried hormone creams, medications and dietary changes, to no avail. The elegant blue and white comforter in our bedroom received a regular dousing of my prayerful tears. Surely God heard me. Surely He would intervene. However, I became so anemic that my doctor wondered how I functioned. Truthfully, I lived in a constant state of exhaustion. Due to the severity of my symptoms, I regularly became housebound for days at a time. The severe hemorrhaging left me faint and unable to live a normal life.
Eventually I was left with no alternative. At the age of 42, I underwent the dreaded hysterectomy (leaving ovaries intact) and spent six grueling weeks recuperating. I survived the painful recovery by God's grace, imagining a normal and healthy life at last.
Now, three years later, my husband and I sat across from Dr. Pollack's stately desk, shocked and overwhelmed. The reason for the bleeding, via results of recent ultrasound tests, made my heart beat double-time. "It appears that your left ovary has migrated downward and attached itself to your cervix."
Excuse me? One of my body parts migrated?
The doctor continued. "The resulting mass is surrounded by vascular tissue, which indicates suspsicious activity and probably contributes to your symptoms."
Sensing his next words, I recoiled on the inside. No. Not again. I will not endure one more surgery.
"You'll definitely need surgery." Dr. Pollack looked me squarely in the face, tapping a black pen on his left palm.
Shaking inside, I grasped my husband's hand, and tried hard to exude a bravery I was not feeling.
Join me next week for Part 2 of "When God Says No".