When God Says No

Note: The following post contains discussion of 'female issues' not intended for men or children.

A suspicious mass? Trembling, I stared incredulously into the eyes of the area's best doctor, willing my mind to grasp the words I had no desire to hear.

Beset by chronic, serious female problems, I had capitulated to a 4th (and hopefully final) surgery; a hysterectomy in July of 2003. Yet bizzare symptoms soon materialized. Unexplained pain and bleeding persisited long after my uterus was gone. Month after month I fought rising panic and disbelief. There was no obvious medical reason for the bleeding. But there was pain and stress in abundance, which ultimately led to this current appointment with a highly recommended and well known specialist.

Stunned by his unwelcome news, tears brimmed. I felt uncomfortably warm. Why is God allowing this to happen…again?

Prior to having “The Big H”, I spent five years hoping, praying and believing that God would heal me. I also tried hormone creams, medications and dietary changes, to no avail. The elegant blue and white comforter in our bedroom received a regular dousing of my prayerful tears. Surely God heard me. Surely He would intervene. However, I became so anemic that my doctor wondered how I functioned. Truthfully, I lived in a constant state of exhaustion. Due to the severity of my symptoms, I regularly became housebound for days at a time. The severe hemorrhaging left me faint and unable to live a normal life.

Eventually I was left with no alternative. At the age of 42, I underwent the dreaded hysterectomy (leaving ovaries intact) and spent six grueling weeks recuperating. I survived the painful recovery by God's grace, imagining a normal and healthy life at last.

Now, three years later, my husband and I sat across from Dr. Pollack's stately desk, shocked and overwhelmed. The reason for the bleeding, via results of recent ultrasound tests, made my heart beat double-time. "It appears that your left ovary has migrated downward and attached itself to your cervix."

Excuse me? One of my body parts migrated?

The doctor continued. "The resulting mass is surrounded by vascular tissue, which indicates suspsicious activity and probably contributes to your symptoms."

Sensing his next words, I recoiled on the inside. No. Not again. I will not endure one more surgery.

"You'll definitely need surgery." Dr. Pollack looked me squarely in the face, tapping a black pen on his left palm.

Shaking inside, I grasped my husband's hand, and tried hard to exude a bravery I was not feeling.

Join me next week for Part 2 of "When God Says No".


2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Hi, Julie. I'm always delighted to find bloggers near my own age. You have some lovely writing going on here. Nice to "meet" you!

Kelly said...

Julie - I love you, I love your writing, I love your stories. I hate waiting a week for your conclusions! Girlfriend, you are teaching me patience!

Looking forward to Part 2.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

3 years ago, I underwent a hysterectomy (ovaries left in tact). The surgery left me with an infection that nearly cost me my life. I spent the next week hooked up to iv drips and the like to try and break the constant fever.

To hear about your "migration" issues (from one H to another) concerns me a bit. That being said, the relief I've known because of the surgery has been worth the pain I went through. I will anxiously stay tuned for part two.


Julie Gillies said...

KELLY: I promise I'm not trying to stretch anyone's patience muscles! When I started this blog I determined that one post weekly was my line-in-the-sand, lest dog-hair tumbleweeds overtake my house...so far, it's working. :)

ELAINE: I thank God that you recovered from such a serious infection. Bless your heart!

Sonya Lee Thompson said...

Hi Julie,
If you are only going to write once a week, maybe you should give us the whole story! I'll be wondering all week, too! :)

I'm sorry you and elaine had to endure such a surgery. The sick days leading up to it must have been terrible!


PS. Loved your comment on my post today! Guess I should have titled it, Sponge Bob, or Sponge God, You Decide! LOL!! Everyone is commenting on your comment. Love it!

B His Girl said...

Hi Julie,

I stopped by to tell you that God nudged me to post the story about me taking you to Urgent Care at She Speaks this summer. Now I see your blog is about medical stuff today??? What is God up to???? I have not even thought about publishing that draft until today. God brought it up. (This turtle girl may seem a little crazy but she hears Him :) I can't wait to read the rest of your story!

emily freeman said...

Hi Julie! I haven't read your post yet but I clicked over to visit before I read...although from the looks of the comments it seems as though this is a 2 parter!

Thanks for coming to visit me for the first time...I noticed you went to shespeaks in June. Me too!

Off to read your post.

emily freeman said...

Wow. WOW. Great writing. Hard story. I look forward to more of a peek into your journey and God's faithfulness.

Joyful said...

My goodness, Julie, you have left us all hanging. I did do a quick check back to see if this was something you were going through now, or something you were retelling - and - I think if I understood the dates correctly, you are sharing a past experience. Either way...praying for you.

Great decision to blog once a week - that's basically what I'm doing now too!


KelliGirl said...

I stopped by your blog from Chatty Kelly's and am so glad I did. You're an excellent writer. I'll be back for part two.

I was at She Speaks too!

B His Girl said...

I had to see if anyone pulled your arm to write part 2 sooner! I know....patience! Practice patience!

Shawna said...

Oh, Julie. I hate to wait til next week. I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach as I read this.

I am just praying and believing that you are fine now!

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