The Benefits of Dashing To and Fro

I can zip my pants. This may not sound like earth-shattering news. However, given the number of Christmas goodies I’ve already consumed this season, it is no small feat.

In fact, this may even qualify as a Christmas miracle, given that all my spare time has been sucked into the Holiday Vortex, along with my usual daily two-mile walks. I lamented my lack of exercise until it dawned on me: I am busy--and busy burns calories!

So, in the spirit of holiday giving, I joyfully offer my gift to you: The Holiday Equivalents Chart. By my calculations, and according to this Official Chart, I can indulge in the many flavors of Christmas without loosening my belt even a tiny bit. And so, my friends, can you.

The Official Holiday Calorie Equivalents Chart

* Lugging holiday boxes from basement/attic/garage = 3 Powdered Pecan Balls

* Screaming/jumping wildly from creepy crawlies in box = 2 Sugar Cookies

* Beating creepy crawlies w/ broom & scraping up the mess = 1 Handful Spiced Pecans

* Driving across town to three Christmas tree lots in search of perfect tree = 1 Mug of Hot Cocoa

* Untangling aggravating Christmas lights = Cheese ball and ½ Box of Triscuits

* Tossing tangled Christmas lights and driving to store for new lights = 2 Candy Canes

* Taking out a second mortgage to pay for Christmas tree =3 Pieces of Home Made Fudge

* Keeping up with the laundry in the midst of it all = Chips & Dip on Festive Tray

* Toting kid(s) hither and yon to choir practice and holiday parties = 4 Mini Pigs-in-a-Blanket

* Constructing and decorating Gingerbread house = 25 Red & Green Peanut M&M's

* Chasing wayward cat away from partially eaten Gingerbread house = 2 Homemade Chocolate-Almond Biscotti

* Attending 142 (or 9) Christmas play rehearsals = 9 Peanut Butter Kisses

* Brainstorming stocking stuffers for entire family = Cheese ball and the other 1/2 box of Triscuits

* Composing witty yet meaningful Christmas letter = 1 Slice of Pumpkin Roll

* Posing for annual holiday picture without blood or tears = 3 Christmas Oreos

* Shopping, shopping, shopping = 2 1/2 cups Home made Chex Mix

* Waiting in long lines without turning into the Grinch = Handful of Pistachios

* Baking umpteen thousand Christmas cookies = 4 Snickerdoodles

* Ranting at teen son (and friends) for snarfing most of cookies = 1 Piece Fudge

* Wrapping Christmas presents until your back spasms =1 Dinner Out--OR ELSE

This concludes the annual milking of the system. With cookies, of course.