He Loves Me When I'm Grumpy

It’s slightly embarrassing to admit how little it sometimes takes for my disposition to shift into grump mode.

A lack of sleep.

A lack of food.

A lack of common sense in the driver of the car in front of me.

All these situations have the ability to push me off kilter, and before I know it, I don’t even want to be around me.

The truth is I dearly want my attitude to honor God all the time, but I’m human. And when I’m tired, hungry and driving behind a tractor going 15 in a 60 m.p.h. zone, I can get snippy.

And unlovable.

And flat-out grumpy.

It’s not long before I recognize what’s happening and I make the effort to reign myself in. My conversation with God often goes something like, Oh Lord, please help me not to scream. In that moment—in the middle of full-fledged snippy, unlovable, and grumpy, I’m tempted to think God couldn’t possibly still love me.

But then I remember my (now 32 year old) son pitching a wild armed fit at the grocery store checkout at the age of two, and though I didn’t appreciate his behavior, I still loved him. 

And I always will.

And I’m thrilled to tell you that even on days I’m grumpy as all get out, God’s unfailing love sweeps in nevertheless, like a breathtakingly cool breeze on a sweltering day. Oh, I’m sure He doesn’t always appreciate my behavior, but He never gives up on me. 

My heart longs to honor God, even when I’m tired. Or starving. Or fussing about traffic. But 

I sometimes fail. Which makes me unspeakably grateful that His loves never fails.

So in His grace I'll keep trying. And if you ever see me cruising pitifully slow behind a tractor on a highway clearly marked 60 m.p.h., I'm hoping you'll see a smile on my face. But even if I mess up, I won't allow myself to doubt God's love.

Because the truth is, He loves me, even when I’m grumpy.

And He always will.