I doubt that you have ever wrestled an alligator. I sure haven't. But I have wrestled with doubt, and sometimes I think the gator might be an easier opponent.
When God led me to begin stepping out to write and speak, I immediately started trying to get my life together. Because we all know that God can't use an imperfect woman in an imperfect marriage, raising imperfect children, and keeping an imperfect house, to minister to other women.
The problem was, no one cooperated with my Let's Get It All Together Plan--including me. My faulty thinking went something like, "When all these issues in my life are finally right, then I can move forward with what God is asking me to do."
Well, God didn't wait for me to get it all together. He began to open doors--and I began to wrestle with doubt.
The problem was I could not fathom how a perfect God could use someone so far from the mark--we're talking not even close, people!
I was placing my faith in my own ability to meet lofty goals of perfection, when all God wanted was for me to do was obey Him and allow His grace to move--in my life and through my writing and speaking--in spite of my imperfections. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says it perfectly:
My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.
The truth is, I'm a flawed woman. Though I love Jesus with all my heart, I have not arrived. That used to freak me out. Now, I figure if God is good with it, I can be, too. That doesn't mean I willfully sin. It just means that as I go forward (and occasionally stumble), I can relax and trust that God knows what He is doing--because my heart is to do the right thing, even though I sometimes fail. (See Romans 7:15-16)
I still occasionally wrestle the doubt gator, but I'm making progress. And I'm continually humbled and amazed that God uses this imperfect woman.
How about you? Do you ever wrestle with doubt? Is there a specific thing God has put in your heart but you resist--because you doubt?
I hope you enjoy this re-post as my family and I prepare for and enjoy our son’s wedding! :-)