The “Not To” Part
(or, What I Learned When I Stopped Praying for My Husband)
For about a year I did not utter a single prayer for him. And while I'm certainly not advocating that you cease praying for your husband (or anyone), I do believe that God sometimes leads us to do things that don't necessarily make sense initially. However, when we are led by the Holy Spirit and trust the Lord instead of leaning on our own understanding (see Proverbs 3:5), God moves.
Not praying for my husband for one year turned out to be the beginning of a breakthrough...for me. During that time, I learned:
My heart was truly selfish and self-centered. At the time, every prayer I prayed for my husband revolved around wanting something for myself. God not only wanted to expose my selfishness, He wanted my prayers for my husband to come from a pure heart--one that desired what God desired. He wanted me to pray according to His will, not mine.
My motives were often wrong. I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted my husband to be, and by golly, I was going to pray until that happened. Now part of that was good, because my husband did not yet know the Lord. And although God desired for my husband to give his heart to Him, my motives in praying for his salvation were more about how it affected my life instead of my husband's spiritual destiny.
I was immature. Because of this, when I prayed and did not see or sense change, resentment built. I didn't have an accurate understanding of God's timing, or appreciate that He often works behind the scenes. I also needed to grow in grace, allowing time for my prayers and the Holy Spirit to soften my husband's heart, instead of demanding that he get with the program now.
My reactions were sometimes completely wrong. Too often, I allowed my husband's bad reactions to trigger mine. And while God did not want my husband's words or actions to hurt me, the Lord gently showed me that my reactions were just as wrong. It was incredibly difficult to apologize for reacting wrong when I felt that my husband's actions were far worse, but that's not how God saw it. I was the believer, and I was called to be like Jesus.
The year I spent not praying for my husband allowed me to completely shift my focus away from his inadequacies and instead focus on the Lord and the work He was doing in my own heart. It also relieved the pressure I had placed on myself to personally usher my husband into God's kingdom. Yes, God uses our prayers, but He goes where we cannot go--into the heart--and ultimately He does what we cannot do--brings godly change and transformation.
While not praying for someone (especially your spouse) for a year is probably unusual, that year turned out to be exactly what I needed, and I'm convinced my husband was spared untold distress. I learned serious respect for the Lord's ways and developed a deep desire to pray in agreement with Him--even when that meant not praying for a season. When it was all over, my prayers started up again, only now they emerged from an entirely different perspective. God's.
And as long as I draw breath, my prayers will thus continue.
Click here to download this devotional and several scripture-based prayers to help you pray for your husband.
May God strengthen, comfort and encourage you as you pray.
Through my books I love to help readers know God, know Scripture, and know how to pray. Click on the images below to learn more about each book.
No comments:
Post a Comment